The Bachelor – Wicked Stepsister

We really felt the lack of Jimmy Kimmel on this episode. Even though there was a campfire involved, it felt like this edition of Chris’ journey to find love was missing a real spark. The dates were a little bland, and per usual, the commercials lead us to believe something was going to happen but it never did. How many times will you like to me, the Bachelor. HOW MANY TIMES.

Pitching a Tent

The episode opens, and a bunch of girls find out that their trading in time by the pool at the mansion for time by a ‘lake’ in the middle of some rando field. This is California. Isn’t there like, I don’t know, maybe a GD ocean for them to go hang out at instead of this mosquito breeding ground? Nope? K whatever. Regardless, Mackenzie was impressed. Apparently she has never seen a body of water  before.

GPOY

GPOY

Some girls get a little young and wild and free by taking their tops and/or bottoms off to jump in the lake. Kelsey was not impressed by these antics and spent the afternoon sulking around. The Bachelor then turned into an episode of Survivor and the girls went camping. Then Ashley S voted out the only remaining sliver of doubt that she is 100% off her rocker. Kelsey continued to sulk. Kaitlyn got the group date rose because she is awesome and Chris knows that.

Sister, Sister

The girls left at the mansion were in for a treat. Chris’ sisters were coming to visit to get a feel of the girls. Not a literal feel, that’s Chris’ job. Each girl had a few minutes to talk to the women, and then the sisters chose someone to go on a date with their Brother.

Blatant Product Placement and the Overuse of the Word ‘Fairytale’

The sisters chose Jade to go on the date with Chris, and he didn’t know who he was going on a date with, which I actually thought was a cool touch. This date was inspired by the new movie ‘Cinderella’ and my stankface during the clip. She got dressed up, made up, and blinged up, and Ashley I was pisssssed. THIS WAS HER DATE YOU GUYS. SHE WAS MADE FOR THIS. DIDN’T YOU KNOW. Girlfriend even dressed up in her own gown in order to mourn her lost date. But this isn’t about Ashley, much to her chagrin, this is about Jade.

The look on Chris’ face when Jade was walking down the staircase made it obvious that his sisters made the right choice for that date. They ate dinner beside a shoe, and then danced on a platform which is hella awkward, no?

'WoOOOoo, I love tacky outfits!!'

‘WoOOOoo, I love tacky outfits!!’

Always the Bride. Wait, That’s Not Right

The remaining girls hopped on a private jet to NorCal in the most horrendous collection of wedding dresses I have ever seen. These were clearly found on the clearance rack at Burlington Coat Factory, but who is judging? Me. That’s who.

The girls must race through mud in order to win a private date with Chris. The girls tried their best, but there was just no out-racing Jillian. Jillian goes on the date with Chris overlooking a beautiful San Francisco skyline. Unfortunately for Jillian, the date was not so beautiful. Chris just wasn’t feeling a ‘wife vibe’ from jilly bean and she was sent a’ packing.

The Virgin/Non-Virgin Diaries

In case you haven’t heard, Ashley I is a virgin. Girl needs a ‘virgin’ jar. She could pay off my student loans if she did. She tried to tell Chris her secret while camping, but Chris being not the verbose man in the world didn’t really understand what she was implying. She cleared it up later on and he was a little thrown off. It was revealed that Ashley I wasn’t the only untouched member of the Bachelor cast, Becca told the women that she was also holding onto that v-card.

'did my copious amounts of glitter eyeshadow upset chris?'

‘did my copious amounts of glitter eyeshadow upset chris?’

Britt took a quick moment with Chris to discuss the way he is giving out roses. She doesn’t think Kaitlyn should have got a rose because she was tramping it up at the lake. Um, go away Britt. Kaitlyn rules. Chris thought so too, and took himself out of the conversation

The Rose Ceremony

There was a handful of women that were obvi not getting a rose. Sorry Nikki and Samantha, you don’t get to go to Santa Fe! Other women heading home are Juelia, and fan fav Ashley S.

Next week looks like it’s going to be a good one. But they’re probably lying to us. Until then, follow me on twitter and check out this week’s podcast.

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