The Bachelor – Ploughing Fields

The Bachelor is officially back, and all is right in the world.

We get it Chris, you're a farmer

We get it Chris, you’re a farmer

We are starting off the new season with a bang, or a few bangs I guess, since the first hour was pretty well overtaken by former contestants walking the red carpet. We talked to many of our former ‘favs’, to see what they are up to lately. Per usual, Chris Harrison is faaar too interested in their bedroom activities. These awkward convos were interjected with Bachelor Chris’ intro package, laced with farming puns and his personal trainer, Cody, along with meeting a few of the girls. We are subjected to an hour of this BS before the good stuff actually starts.

The First 15

The Bachelor thought they were LOL-hilarious and decided to only send 15 girls in at first, so they could reveal the last 15 women later in the season. Why they did this? Who knows. Maybe so Chris could spend time with each of the women throughout the evening.

In the first group we meet Britt, Whitney, Kelsey, Megan, Ashley I, Trina, Reegan, Tara, Amber, Nikki, Amanda, Jillian, Mackenzie, Ashley S., and Kaitlyn. The limo entrances were fairly Milquetoast for the most part. Britt made an immediate impact with just a hug. Tara came in wearing her everyday duds – some jorts and boots, and then came in again wearing more appropriate attire. Reegan showed Chris her serial killer side by bringing a heart in a cooler. Amanda also makes an immediate impact by NOT introducing herself to Chris. Not a great strategy.

'This is going to be  a bumpy ride'

‘This is going to be a bumpy ride’

And Another 15

Host Chris calls Bachelor Chris to the front of the room to let him know that there will be more women arriving. Everyone who is not an idiot could see this coming. Hell, even some of the idiots were expecting it. The next batch of women includes Samantha, Michelle, Juelia, Becca, Tandra, Alissa, Jordan, Nicole, Brittany, Carly, Tracy, Bo, Kimberley, Kara, and Jade. In this group, the stand out limo entrances include Carly’s Karaoke, Jordan’s shot of whiskey, and Nicole’s awful pig nose. That’s not me being rude about her nose, she literally wore a fake pig’s nose.

Too Many Shots

The cocktail party is always an interesting time, especially on this first night with so many women fighting for time with Chris. This pressure was a little much for a few women, who turned to the bottle to ease the pain. Especially Tara. Poor girl. I couldn’t tell is Ashley S was hammered or straight up insane. Either way, she had a 10 minute soliloquy about a garden onion. Speaking of crazy; Amanda’s eyes. The zooming in and out on her eyes just reinforces how much fun the Bachelor producers have with their job.

'I need this to get me through this night'

‘I need this to get me through this night’

Not Enough Roses

after a long 2 1/2 hours, we finally get to the rose ceremony. Chris leaves halfway through to talk to Chris about whether or not he should keep Tara, for fear that she will not be able to walk up to the podium to get the rose. He decides to give her one anyway. Those left without roses include Reegan, Amanda, Michelle, Nicole, Bo, Kara, and Kimberley. Except Kim doesn’t want to leave. That, we will explore, next week on Serial.

I mean The Bachelor.

Until then, check out this week’s podcast and follow me on Twitter!

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