Bachelor in Paradise – Game of Roses

This episode moved a little slower than the previous two, but it was still a great episode, regardless. Bachelor in Paradise has quickly become one of the most compelling and absurd shows on TV. So let’s get right into this

Rose Ceremony Fall-out

Chris was obviously not totally impressed that Elise chose Dylan first before eventually giving the rose to him. She made it better by being totally in love with this douche canoe already. Michelle $ realizes soon after the ceremony that she might have made a mistake giving her rose to Marquel instead of Robert.

good try you guys

good try you guys

The New-Comers

This week brings us two ladies who are both stunningly beautiful, equally as forgettable in their original seasons, and both there to make-out with Marquel. Danielle arrives first and chooses Marquel and they hop on a private plane and go for their date. They go swimming and eat dinner, which could have been done on location, but whatever. They have good chemistry, and Danielle admits she’s been crushing on him for a while. Jackie arrives a little later on and also selects Marquel for her date. Danielle acts like an adult and doesn’t run into the bathroom and call Jackie names unlike SOMEONE ELSE ON THE CAST, ASHLEE. They have a great date gallivanting around some ruins, and they both break their ‘no kissing on the first date’ rule.

Elise & Chris

Elise finally got her first date card, and obviously asks Chris on the date. Just prior, Chris manages to tear his knee just like, walking around or something. They too jet off for their date. They meander around the town or something, I’m not totally sure. I tend to black out during the date. During dinner they got message from ‘Chris Harrison’ with the keys to their separate rooms. Elise ‘LOLd’ in the face of this, and decided that here and Chris should bunk up for the night.

Marcus & Lacey

They’re boring now. Moving on.

this is Graham's 'you are insane' face

this is Graham’s ‘you are insane’ face

Ashlee & Graham

She is straight up insane. Ashlee was whining that she hasn’t gotten a date yet. The producers, sick of hearing her, send her on a date. She obviously chooses Graham. They eat dinner and she reveals how big of a creep she really is. Graham is visibly a little freaked out. Imagine how he would react if he heard what she was saying in her confessionals. After a little dancing, they (Graham) elect to stay in their own rooms for the evening.

Zach & Clare

Zach admitted that Jackie was one of the women he was curious to see in paradise, but he is really enjoying his time with Clare. I have to give it up to Clare, she is way less grating here than she was on the Bachelor, even though she has a few odd moments. Case in point; saying that the sea turtle was a sign from God that her and Zach were meant to be after a legitimately sweet moment of her and Zach talking about her father.

'I just can't handle how dumb everyone else is'

‘I just can’t handle how dumb everyone else is’

Double Dates and the 11th wheel

After giving up on Marquel, Michelle $ is ALLLLL in on Robert. She recruits Clare to help her get it going with him. They plan a double date, which is actually a cute idea. Sarah is visibly rattled, she feels like she missed her chance to hang out with him, and why would anyone choose Sarah over Michelle. I WOULD CHOOSE YOU SARAH. Her confessional was really heart-breaking, and something I’m sure many of us have felt. The date was actually kind of mediocre; Robert didn’t seem that into it. Robert later asked Sarah what was wrong and she had a hard time articulating her feelings.

The Rose Ceremony

The obvious couples went first, as to not get in the way of our enjoyment of suspense. After Clare, Ashlee, and Lacey received their roses, we moved on to the wildcard roses. Marquel had to choose between Danielle and Jackie, both who he had connections with. There wasn’t much surprise when He chose Jackie. Michelle and Sarah both wanted Robert’s rose, but he ended up giving it to my girl, Sarah, leaving Michelle in tears. Chris called up Elise, but told her he couldn’t give her the rose. He felt after his injury, that he needed to go home, but he wanted her to go with him. She agreed to do so, even after the advice given to her from her friends. He still needed to give away his rose, and gave it to Michelle because he knew that this vacation experience meant a lot to her.

This week, besides the Bachelor in Paradise podcast, I was also a guest on the TARCan/TARAus podcast, so check both of those out. As always, you can find me on twitter here. I’ll see you back here next week for 4 hours of DRAAAMAAA.

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