The Bachelorette – Brusseling Feathers

We’ve made it you guys. We have been along with Andi’s journey to find love for weeks, and now the end is finally in our sights. We join Andi and the gang as they travel to Brussels, Belgium, a city that combines my two loves of old-ass buildings and copious amounts of snack foods.

This is Andi's 'you're hot, but bland' face

This is Andi’s ‘you’re hot, but bland’ face

Chris informs the ‘gentlemen’ that there will be 2 one-on-one dates, sans rose, and 1 group date, avec rose. All the guys pine for the sacred one-on-one dates, but the first one goes to Marcus. Now, you guys know I love me some Marcus, but this date was as bland as unflavored rice cakes. I honestly don’t remember what they did. Marcus did give Andi a little more of his backstory. I’m glad he waited until like, week 7, unlike the rest of the bozos who spill everything week one and scare the lead off. Either way, Andi said she had a great time, but I don’t know if I believe her.

The next one-on-one date goes to Josh. Andi says he has the personality every girl loves, I beg to differ. They head to the Belgian city of Ghent and hang out with some geese. Geese aren’t really the symbol of romance in my eyes, but they seem to be obsessed with birds this season, so I’ll just go with it. Like on the first one-on-one date, the pair eats a lot. Unlike the first date, there is yet another private concert. I seriously cannot deal with these anymore.

'the leather jacket denotes what a badass I am'

‘the leather jacket denotes what a badass I am’

After Andi gets home, Nick sneaks down to the front desk of the hotel and finagles Andi’s room number out of the now-probably-unemployed desk clerk. She is shocked, yet excited, to see him. They wander through the streets and make out on trees. Andi likes that he took the initiative, and Nick does not care if the guys find out. He’s here for Andi, not them.

Monastery Rules

Monastery Rules

Nick, Dylan, Brian, and Chris meet up with Andi for their group date. They explore some ruins before heading to a monastery where there is a strict no touching rule. Chris and Andi find their way around it in a pottery studio just outside of the walls where they re-enact the movie ghost. The guys hate Nick. They think he’s a total douche. I think they’re all douches because of their scarves. Andi drops the bombshell that whoever gets the rose will remain on the date for a little alone time, while the other have to go home. In a move that is surprising to absolutely no one, Andi gives the rose to Nick.

Nick returns to some very icy stares, so maybe it’s a good thing he was wearing that scarf. The other guys question whether or not he’s there for the right reasons, and why he always talks about strategy. They think he has an advantage because he’s seen a couple seasons, where I think that gives him a disadvantage. Maybe not in the competition, but in real life.

'well, we have no chance'

‘well, we have no chance’

We come to the cocktail party, and who is going tonight is pretty much a foregone conclusion. I mean, even my dad who has seen like 30 minutes of this season knew who was not getting a rose. They tried to throw in a little suspense with Chris being unsure, but we all knew. We said goodbye to Dylan and Brian. I must add that I called this final four since week 2, WITHOUT SPOILERS.

Next week; we peruse hometowns.

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