I Wanna Marry Harry

Not Prince Harry

Not Prince Harry

I watched it so you don’t have to.

Let me tell you, I have watched a lot of bad dating reality shows in my day. ‘Mr. Personality’, ‘Beauty and the Geek’, ‘Joe Millionaire’, you name it, I’ve probably seen an episode (or 10). Fox is going to back to this era with their new, sure to be an unusable premise after one season, dating show ‘I Wanna Marry Harry’.

If you live under a rock, or actively try to avoid terrible reality television unlike yours truly, let me explain to you the premise. 12 women get a free trip to England where they meet a young chap who many of them believe to be THE Prince Harry. BUT GET THIS; it’s not him. Can you believe it? A member of British royalty is NOT featured on a tacky Fox reality dating show. I was going to say ‘low-budget’ but let’s be real, renting out that castle probably cost a pretty penny. I digress. There’s this guy named Matt who looks like Prince Harry, but he’s actually kind of poor. And not actually a ginger. Matt is just looking for the love of his life and I guess thought this would be the best way to go about it. To each their own. With a few intensive classes and a dye-job, our hero Matt is ready to meet the ladies and trick them into believing that he is the brother of the heir to the royal throne.

Speaking of the ladies, they are also some kind of special. There are actually a few more gems than I was expecting there to be, but there are also a few nimrods and glaciers. I can already tell Meghan is going to be a lot of fun. She is smart, pretty, fun, and she is not afraid to tell you. She also knows that Matt isn’t Prince Harry, unlike a few of the other women. Other notable characters include; Anna Lisa, sure to be Meghan’s right-hand girl and fellow antagonist, Kelly, The Long Island Cinderella, Rose, the naughty school teacher, Leah, the girl who just like, isn’t like the other girls, you guys, and Maggie, the resident cosmo-consumer.

Not convinced

Not convinced

The girls are not sure what to expect when they arrive to the castle. They have an inkling that the guy they are about to meet is British, which is a pretty fair assumption, seeing as they are in England. I’m finding it hilarious how seriously this show is taking itself. There is a 0.1% that whoever fake Harry picks at the end will agree to be with him when they find out he has been lying to them for however many weeks.

Matt/Harry arrives to the castle in a helicopter, and is quickly rushed in away from the girls who are left to make up their own mind about who they are going to be meeting. They are then told to get ready for a masquerade party later that evening. Leah gives us a monologue about how she’s not like the other girls, she doesn’t even know what bronzer is!! I’m going to go ahead and call your bluff on that one. The women arrive at the party where they finally get to meet their ‘prince’. He dances with each woman (while the others watched them, which was awkward as hell). He then has one-on-one conversations with the women as well. He comments to his new BFF and personal butler, Kingsley (because of course that’s what his name is) that American women sure are loud!

This was the main topic of conversation with Rose. He noted that she was loud as F, and that British girls are much more reserved. You can see in his eyes that he is unsure of his decision to go through with this. You can tell by the way I keep refreshing Instagram, I am having the same regrets about this show.

'I loved being made a mockery on national television!'

‘I loved being made a mockery on national television!’

The party comes to an end, and Matt/Harry has a few decisions to make. He must send one girl back across the pond, and he must invite another to move up to the Crown Suite (or something like that) to spend more time with them. He asks to speak to Leah and Rose. We, the audience, are unsure of which girl will meet which fate, as both are completely unlikeable. He ends up sending home Leah, because she just didn’t seem to be having any fun. He invited Rose to the sweet, much to the chagrin of the other women. Much to my own chagrin, Rose is already referring to Matt as her boyfriend.

This show was, well, different. I just cannot fathom that they will be able to keep this rouse going. At some point the girls are going to get pissed off with Matt never divulging his name, and answering every personal question with some vague version of ‘you’ll find out, maybe’. I’m not expert, but I just don’t think this is a viable way to build a real relationship. Then I remind myself that I’m watching a show that couldn’t even bother to spell out ‘Want To’ in its title, so my expectations should be lower than they are.

Real talk? I’m probably going to keep watching this show because Survivor is over and Big Brother doesn’t start for another few weeks, so my Wednesdays are pretty open.

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