The Bachelorette – Lawyers and Stalkers

The hiatus is over and the snark is back from vacation. Welcome to a new season of the Bachelorette. We open the episode, and the season to Chris Harrison informing us of the passing of one of this season’s contestants, Eric Hill. It’s a sad start to the season, and he seemed like a really great guy. It’s going to be interesting to see how his story plays out on the show.

Just doing lawyery things, you know how it is!

Just doing lawyery things, you know how it is!

Let’s now move on from the sadness, and get to the reason we’re all here; to make fun of this show. This episode is only an hour and a half, thanks to part 1 of the Dancing With the Stars finale. I liked this shortened version. It cut out a lot of the unnecessary fluff. Like hometown packages. I did not miss those at all.

I was glad to see the producers did not reduce Andi to roller skating around the Santa Monica Pier in denim shorts and a bikini top like a teen boy from the 80s favourite wet dream, like they did to Des last season. The producers, however, could not pass up an opportunity for Andi to pose in front of a book shelf and a wind machine. She arrives at the mansion and is greeted by our darling Chris Harrison in his best casual plaid shirt. Andi’s sister joins her at the mansion to get ready for her big night. She must make the decision to choose between a sparkly, mermaid-style dress, and a fugly, shapeless gold thing. That decision must have been an easy one.

This lamp has more personality than 50% of the guys

This lamp has more personality than 50% of the guys

Andi arrives at the mansion ready to meet her future husband, but more realistically, her fiancé of less than a year. The first one out of the limo was my boy, Marcus. He looked stunningly beautiful in a grey suit, and Andi thought so too. There weren’t too many outlandish entries this season, which was a bit of a disappointment. We had Tasos with the love lock, Eric with the Peruvian dolls, Cody pushing the limo, and Brett, with the stolen lamp from the hotel.

It is revealed to us that former contestant on both the Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad was interested in vying for Andi’s heart, but we all know Chris Bukowski was really interesting in vying for some screen time. He said he had been in LA waiting for the show to start. Chris Harrison asked how he even knew when it started, and they edited out Chris saying ‘oh, production told me’. Andi was not interested in having the non-Harrison Chris there, and he was asked to leave.

 

can I at least have a snack before I escorted out?

can I at least have a snack before I am escorted out?

The fashion tonight was also pretty on point, with a few notable exceptions. Cody decided to dress down for the evening with a plain white t-shirt and a blazer. In an act against all that is good and fashionable, he popped the collar on the aforementioned blazer. Marquel was wearing a hideous gingham shirt made for picnicking, which was perfect, because he brought Andi a basket of cookies.

The cookies were a great move that would definitely win me over right off the bat. A few guys were getting nervous that they hadn’t talked to Andi yet. Andrew and Patrick both found love on the first night. With each other. They bonded over cars and being ‘above’ everyone else. Guys, you’re on the Bachelorette. You are not above anyone or anything, clearly.

you brought cookies? everyone else can go home now.

you brought cookies? everyone else can go home now.

Andi finds herself being drawn to guys she didn’t think she would be. After having a great conversation with Marcus, she ends up surprising us all and gives the first impression rose to Nick V. Why? I’m not sure. But he must have done something memorable.

We come to the Rose Ceremony and Andi must say goodbye to 6 guys. Some guys I had pegged to go early on, but a few of them were surprises. Someone I had very high on my list, Steven, was cut. He didn’t even get a goodbye confessional! Unlike Josh B, who used his confessional very effectively and said ‘embarrassed’ at least 6 times.

Overall, it was a good first episode, and I’m really looking forward to the rest of this season. Follow me on twitter for all of your live-tweeting needs, and make sure to listen to the Week 1 Bachelorette RHAP Up podcast.

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