The Bachelor; I don’t love you, but it’s okay

CHRIS

It’s all over. One of the oddest seasons of the Bachelor finished out with an even weirder ending. Many of us were left not knowing how to feel about what had just happened on our television, and twitter was in a tizzy over how much of a douche canoe Juan Pablo is, or tweets of support that he shouldn’t have to divulge the details of his personal life, and confusion about the point of the live look-ins at the unknown audience members, but I digress.

We return to where we left off before the WTA, on the beautiful island of St. Lucia with Juan Pablo trying to make a decision whether or not he should choose Nikki or Clare as THE ONE. It’s a difficult decision because both of these girls are so different. Also, he’s known both of them for like 5 minutes.

We start the most boring hour of the entire Bachelor season with Juan Pablo picking up Clare for their date. Today she is going to meet his family. His family doesn’t know if Juan Pablo is ready to settle down with one woman, but as if they care, they got a free vacation!!! Clare starts talking to JP’s family members, and she and his mother bond about how he makes them cry. Clare tells JP’s mom that they really communicate well, like when he called her out for wanting to go swim in the ocean late at night. Clare and JP say goodbye until their next date.

Nikki decides that since she’s already met most of JP’s family, that it isn’t necessary to wear a bra to go see them. Nikki is mighty thankful that Juan Pablo’s ex-girlfriend isn’t there this time and that his daughter doesn’t taste like Cheetos. Nikki tells his family that, even though she is young, she is like soooo ready to be a step-mom.

Juan Pablo gears up for his very last date with Clare. For the first time all season, they go for a helicopter ride. While the helicopter was landing, Clare tells us that JP leaned over and said that he doesn’t really know her, but loves hooking up with her. Or something along those lines. She wouldn’t tell us exactly what was said, but she was offended by it. She still went along with the date, unsure of what to do about the comment. She addressed it later on when Juan Pablo asked for ‘besitos’ like a child, and Clare said ‘ummm no, you a-hole’. They showed us how ‘great’ their communications skills, with Clare eloquently explaining her issue, and Juan Pablo talking in circles about nothing and effectively confusing Clare into forgiving him.

Nikki gets mightily gipped, and doesn’t get a helicopter on her date. Or anything in particular really. They spend their day frolicking on the beach, aka production had really blown their budget. After that, Juan Pablo visits Nikki in her hotel room where they talk about how nervous Nikki is about the next day, and Juan Pablo shuts her down by saying ‘No, I’m MORE nervous, okay’.

After a few commercial breaks and some conversations with a few of the Bachelor’s success stories, some of our favourites from the current season, and a couple of dirty looks from guys who I assume have been on the show but I can’t figure who they are, we return to the love story at hand. It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The girls primp and prepare for what could be the moment they get engaged. The audience awaits on the edge of their seats to see who gets off the boat first.

Chris Harrison greets Clare at the edge of the water, and guides her to Juan Pablo. She has been looking forward to this moment for as long as she can remember, and she can’t wait to spend the rest of her life and her DVD with Juan Pablo. Too bad Juan Pablo had other plans. He tells her that she’s not the one, and Clare is NOT impressed. She says that he led her on, and he had ample opportunities to tell her that she wasn’t getting picked before then. Doesn’t Clare watch the show? She should know that only the Bachelorettes tell the guys they’ve been dumped before the final rose ceremony. Clare last words to Juan Pablo are something along the lines of ‘I would never want my children to be raised by a man who treats women like that’. Juan Pablo retorts with ‘well, I’m glad I didn’t pick her’. See ya Clare!

Chris then meets Nikki at the boat and brings her to where juan Pablo is waiting to tell her that he likes her more than the other girls, but he doesn’t love her, because that’s absurd. After Nikki reaffirms that she loves JP, he tells her that he doesn’t like her enough to give her a ring, but he also doesn’t hate her enough to send her home. He said he wants to follow her father’s wishes that he not propose if he wan’t 100% sure, and he wasn’t. She’s probably not super impressed, but she accepts his final rose.

In the After the Final Rose special, no one hides their true feelings. You can just tell that Chris is at his wits end with Juan Pablo, and it’s not going to get any warmer. First we see how Clare is coping. She’s okay, she is proud of the way she stood up to Juan Pablo in the very end, and does not wish to see him. Then we talk to Nikki, who is still very much in love with Juan Pablo, much to my surprise, and they are still together. Juan Pablo is then invited on stage, and that is when the S hits the fan.

Juan Pablo was very cold and stand-offish towards Chris and his questions, saying that he would rather remain private about his relationship with Nikki. Chris kept digging and got nowhere. Former cast members said it was unfair of Juan Pablo to act that way, considering he signed on to have his private life scrutinized.

Honestly, I can see the point of both sides. I completely respect Juan Pablo’s right to keep his relationship with Nikki private, and Chris’ line of questioning was getting out of hand, asking the same question over and over with the same negative result. There is no reason for Juan Pablo to have acted the way he did. I also understand the point that he signed on for this, he made the choice to have his relationship broadcast to millions, but Catherine and Sean needed to get the F off their high horse. I don’t think either side looked particularly good in this argument.

You know who did look great? Sharleen, per usual. Sorry, I had to get one last loving compliment in for Sharleen before the season was over. Anyway, in a move that surprised no one, Andi was named as the next Bachelorette. I’m actually looking forward to her season; she’s not as bland as the last few Bachelorettes.

This has really been a crazy season filled with ups and downs. I think we’ve all learned the lesson to not pressure ABC to pick someone to be the Bachelor, because we will end up hating them. Thanks for sticking around all season, and I’ll see you in May for the Bachelorette. Don’t forget to pray to the reality TV gods for another season of Bachelor Pad.

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