The Bachelor; I Knew You Were Trouble

JP week 7We’re back in the States after a few weeks of globe-trotting. It’s clear that production blew their budget paying to have Korean pop stars make an appearance a few weeks ago, because this week the girls and Juan Pablo are in Miami.

JP is so happy to be back at home, so he can see his daughter and his family. He is also excited to show the girls around his hometown. I think we’ve all seen enough of Miami on any spring break show, but thanks anyway. Juan Pablo decides to hand-deliver the week’s first date card himself. He hands it to Sharleen and tells her to go get ready. She spends some time changing her dress, and overlooking the ocean thinking about her feelings, and then she’s ready to go. The other girls are not impressed with Sharleen’s reaction to getting the date card. They hate how aloof she seems, and they don’t think she would make time for Juan Pablo because she is so busy making her own life or whatever. THEY WANT TO SEE MORE DESPERATION IN HER EYES.

Juan Pablo takes Sharleen on a private yacht where they lay around and make-out. Sharleen keeps trying to tell Juan Pablo that she’s not sure whether or not they have a future. She tells JP that he’s trouble. He doesn’t understand because he does not have a good grasp on the English language. Sharleen does not think they are an intellectual match, and she wishes that she was dumber. Legitimately something she said. She just keeps getting so distracted by his abs!!! They take a quick break from the boat to make out in the ocean. Which wasn’t okay a few weeks ago with Clare, but is okay here? Is it because it’s during the day? Who knows, JP’s rules confuse me.

After the boat ride, she tells us that she’s not ready for him to meet her family, and definitely not ready to be engaged in a few weeks. Which is fair, because they’ve known each other for like 6 weeks. She doesn’t want to take a place away from a girl who really does want that. She has some more thinking to do.

The next one-on-one date goes to Nikki. The date card leaves Nikki believing she will be doing some dancing. She hates dancing. The other girls hate Nikki, especially Clare. She doesn’t understand what JP sees in her, which is great because Nikki doesn’t understand what he sees in Clare! We’ll leave their relationship alone for now, and come back to it later.

Juan Pablo picks up Nikki and takes her to a flower shop. They need to get some flowers because they are going to Camilla’s dance recital! Nikki gets to meet Juan Pablo’s whole family. This sounds like a terrifying second date to me, but who am I to judge. They go to the dance recital where Nikki gets to meet Juan Pablo’s family, his daughter, and his ex-girlfriend. Again, this doesn’t sound like my kind of date. WHY WOULD YOU BRING HER TO MEET YOUR EX-GF. WHY WOULD YOU GET HER TO MEET YOUR DAUGHTER. I just have so many questions that will never be answered, but Nikki seems to enjoy. She likes the idea of fitting perfectly into this life with Juan Pablo. Or you could, you know, make your own life. Nikki tells Camilla that she tastes like Cheetos, and they move on to the next part of their date.

Juan Pablo takes Nikki for what WOULD be my kind of date. He takes her to his office, Marlins Park. The only thing that could make this better is stadium popcorn, and this hot dog they sell at Rangers games. Nikki knows that she is falling in love with Juan Pablo, but doesn’t want to tell him quite yet.

Sharleen has finally made a decision. She wants to leave. She doesn’t think it’s fair to herself, Juan Pablo, or the other girls if she stays. She tells the girls she is peacing out, then goes to find Juan Pablo. They sit down on the couch, and she says she has to be honest and that she has to go. Juan Pablo is glad she is being honest with him, but is sad she is leaving. After she leaves, he tells us that she would have gotten a rose, and he cries a bit. Sharleen was by far my favourite. So as sad as I am that she won’t be on the show anymore, I think we can all agree she was too good for it anyway.

The remaining girls head out for their group date. Unlike the previous two dates this episode; this date will have a rose. The girl who gets the rose will also get to continue the date, and all the other girls have to go home. A private plane picks them up, and whisks them away to a private island. The group hangs out and picnics. Juan Pablo spends alone time with each of the girls. Chelsie shows JP the letters her parents sent her away with. Clare tells Juan Pablo about her family. Andi cries. She too, is unsure about this whole process. Juan Pablo clearly likes the chase, because he gives Andi the group rose, which means she gets to continue the date. Clare is livid, she thought she deserved it because they haven’t had any one-on-one time lately. Clearly she forgets her date with Juan Pablo in New Zealand, and about the oceanic romp a few weeks prior.

Honestly, I don’t remember what Andi and Juan Pablo did on the rest of their date, probably made out or something. The real excitement is going on at the hotel. The girls are sitting around talking, Clare is upset she didn’t get chosen for the second part of the date. Nikki giggles, and then goes upstairs. Clare follows her. They get into an asinine shouting match about nothing, it seems like. Nikki asks Clare to leave her room; Clare says it’s not her room, because she didn’t pay for it. After this riveting discussion, it is time for us to move onto the cocktail party.

All the girls are glad that this is the final cocktail party, because it is getting more and more awkward to be forced to hang out together. This is cemented when Clare and Nikki sit in silence together for what seems like forever while crickets chirp away in the background. The girls and Juan Pablo reconvene, just in time for Chris to rescue JP from the awkwardness. It’s time for the rose ceremony. Chelsie, Renee, and Clare are hoping it’s Nikki who gets sent home. Andi and Nikki hope it will be Clare. No one is happy, including Juan Pablo, who cries about sending Chelsie home. Clare says it was a huge mistake, and Juan Pablo walked Chelsie out. I really did like Chelsie, buuuuut maybe she wasn’t ready to be a step-mom.

ABC is torturing us next week, because there are TWO new episodes. On Monday it is hometowns, and on Tuesday it’s DRAMA.


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