The Bachelor; Viet-Nah, I’m good.

the bachelorIf someone were to ask me where I thought the most romantic place on earth was, I’m not sure if Vietnam would crack the top 75. But hey, I’m not footing the bill.  The women and Juan Pablo leave bustling Seoul for the beaches of Vietnam, and lucky us, we get to go along for the journey.

They settle into their living quarters for the week, and Renee gets the first one-on-one date. She and JP walked the streets sweaty hand-in- sweaty hand. Juan Pablo leads her into a dressmaker’s shop where she gets a gown specially made for her. JP noticed that it was getting mighty warm in there and went out and bought Renee a fan. They leave the shop, and set out looking for gifts for their kids. Because they’re both single parents don’t you know. They later meet up for dinner, and Renee is in her gorgeous new dress. They talk about their past relationships, as well as the struggles they face as a single-parent. Renee just wants a kiss from him, but he says that she has a son and doesn’t want to disrespect him. A. I’m pretty sure he has already macked on a single mother this season and B. I hope to god that her son is not watching this show. Renee gets a rose and a new dress, but no kiss from Juan Pablo.

The group date card came, and Andi was disappointed to find out she would be on it and not the second one-on-one. She was really struggling with whether or not she should even stick around. The girls pair up and get into little, round bamboo boats. Not as cool as the hot tub boat we saw last seasons, but good enough. Clare was left without a partner, so she teamed up with Juan Pablo. They did more kissing than paddling, which left the other girls unimpressed.

The girls and Juan Pablo came across a local hanging out in the road, and he invited the whole gang to come for dinner. Jokes on them though, they had to harvest their own dinner. The girls loved this ‘authentic’ experience, whereas the locals were LOLing that they tricked a bunch of Americans into doing their dirty work for free. Andi confided in Juan Pablo that she was unsure about the experience because she couldn’t gage how he was feeling. He said he wanted her there and to trust him, and that was enough for Andi.

After dinner, they went for a cocktail party. Clare was taken aside first. JP took her to where he was staying for a swim. Luckily she remembered to bring her bathing suit with her. The girls were again, not impressed with this. They felt like they were being forced to sit and watch a one-on-one date and it was awkwarddddddd. After they came back, Juan Pablo spent time with Andi and Sharleen on the beach (separately). There was too little of Sharleen this episode. It also appeared that her and Juan Pablo finally got a hang of that kissing thing.  Andi thanked Juan Pablo for the reassurance earlier in the day, and they also made out on the beach. Andi thought she was a lock for the group date rose was completely blindsided when it was given to Clare.

The group date was over, but Clare didn’t want the night to end. She went back to Juan Pablo’s villa for a late-night tryst. They made out, the frolicked in the ocean; they did other things in the ocean (which probably shouldn’t happen. Do you read Cosmo, Clare?). Juan Pablo respected her ‘vulnerability’, and Clare went home one happy camper.

Nikki the Nurse went on the second one-on-one date. The date card says they’re going to hell. I feel like I’m in hell every time I watch this show. But it’s self-imposed, so I can’t really complain. Juan Pablo wants Nikki to rappel down into a cave. She doesn’t like this idea. This is waaay better than jumping off a bridge in my humble opinion. Nikki is much more comfortable in this setting than on a group date and she is finally able to open up to JP. Not going to like, I totally tuned out while they were sharing feelings and tuned back in to see Juan Pablo give Nikki the rose.

We come to the cocktail party and Juan Pablo takes Clare aside AGAIN. This time it’s not such a positive experience. He tells her that what they did wasn’t fair to the other girls or his daughter and they should just forget about it. Note to all you people who enjoy dating women; telling a girl they should ‘just forget’ about a moment that clearly meant a lot to them is an extremely terrible choice. Okay, that’s the end of my dating tips for this week. Clare is understandably upset, hurt, dejected, and embarrassed.

Let’s talk for a minute about this. I have made it clear in both blog and tweet that I am no fan of Clare’s, but I felt SO bad for her in this moment, and so mad at Juan Pablo. HE AGREED TO GO WITH HER. HE COULD HAVE STOPPED THIS BY NOT GOING, OR BEING LIKE ‘HEY, THIS IS WHERE WE SHOULD DRAW THE LINE’. BUT HE DIDN’T, AND THAT IS NOT CLARE’S FAULT. MMMMK.

She goes back to the other girls with a lame allergies excuse. You should have told them Juan Pablo was being a douche. They all sit in incredibly awkward silence, until Chris Harrison rescues them and us in the process. I called from 30 minutes into the show who was going to be going home. We had to say good-bye to Danielle, Alli, and one of my personal favourites, Kelly. We’re going to miss your snark, girl.

Hopefully next week in New Zealand will be less of a snoozefest than this week was!

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