You’d be crazy to think I would pass up an opportunity to make an excellent geography-related pun. Yeah, I know ‘excellent’ is stretching it, but who cares. We arrive at the mansion with Chris Harrison telling the girls to pack their bags, they’re going to South Korea! I’d be very interested to know if any of the girls can locate South Korea. I’m assuming Clare doesn’t, because she exclaims that she ‘doesn’t even have a kimono’. Moving on.
After a long haul of a flight, the girls settle into their Korean condo and await this week’s date cards. This week there is 2 group dates and one-on-one date. Nikki is complaining how she hates group dates because she doesn’t get a chance to relax and be herself. So of course, she is on the first group date. The girls and Juan Pablo head to a studio where they meet Korean pop sensations 2NE1. They are then taught a dance routine by the group. Kat loves it because she took dance lessons, y’all. They are then told they will be performing the dance number with the group at a real mall concert!!! Most of the girls are totes down with this, Chelsie even says that this is her dream (if being a back-up dancer is her dream, none of us should be surprised that she ended up on the Bachelor), but Nikki is not impressed. She hates dancing.
They dress up in some pretty outlandish outfits and head to the stage. They assume that the crowd is shouting ‘I love you’ to them, because none of them speak Korean. I’m assuming they are screaming ‘who are these randos?’, but my Korean is pretty bad too, so I can’t be sure. Most of the girls are fairly unimpressed with Kat’s attempts to garner attention from Juan Pablo and the throngs of screaming teenagers. Nikki suggests that she stays in Korea to be a Korean pop star.
The group heads to some Korean pagoda where the drinks are flowing. They vie for time with JP in hopes of a kiss and maybe that group date rose. While each lady is gone, the remaining girls judge who would make a good mom and who wouldn’t. It’s decided that Nikki would make a bad mom because of her negativity, so the other girls were disappointed/jealous when Nikki got the group date rose.
We come to Sharleen, who has received the coveted one-on-one date and does not seem to be overjoyed by it. She knows she and Juan Pablo have chemistry, but she doesn’t know if there is something of substance there. Come on Sharleen, stop thinking rationally. Jokes though, I totally love Sharleen. It’s so refreshing to see someone on this show to be feeling how I think I would feel if in this scenario. They wander the streets of Seoul trying street food and shopping in the markets before heading for a traditional Korean tea time.
Sharleen figures out that there is more to Juan Pablo than just his pretty face and broken English. Juan Pablo tells us that Sharleen is his favourite so far. Me too, Juan Pabs, me too. After tea, they head out to the courtyard. Juan Pablo tries to convince Sharleen to sing for him. She is wary; she usually has a 3 date rule about this kind of this. She eventually obliges, saying that Juan Pablo has to close his eyes. He is so moved by her voice, that they have another awkward make-out sesh.
Over dinner Juan Pablo starts in with the hard hitting questions, like ‘how many kids do you want’, Sharleen is taken aback because she doesn’t know whether or not she should tell the truth, or tell him what he wants to hear. Cut to the condo where the other girls are saying that Sharleen is too sophisticated to be a step-mom (I think they mean too sophisticated to be on this show, but whatever) and that they don’t think she will be getting the rose. After trying to change the conversation a few times, Sharleen finally admits that she was never focused on having kids, she was always focused on her career. She says that she has had a relationship with someone who has a kid before, and it was awkward for her. Juan Pablo appreciates her honesty and gives her the rose.
The remaining girls are told that it is going to get krazy on the next group date. You know they mean it because it’s spelled with a k. The date starts off in a great place, karaoke. I’d be alllllll over this. Then they get some lemonade in bags before heading over to some swan boats. This is shaping up to be the best date ever. It would be a better friend date than romantic date though, just an FYI. The next stop is a restaurant/spa combo where they all get their feet gnawed by tiny fish while people around them eat food. After that, they want some street food. Clare says she will not eat octopus, and because Juan Pablo is sadistic, he says ‘LOL NOPE’ and makes her eat some anyway.
Juan Pablo has strict rules for tonight. He is not kissing anyone. He has already kissed 6 women and doesn’t want to be a bad example for his daughter. Um, if his daughter gets to watch this show, we have a whole bevy of different issues we need to address. Andi and Renee are disappointed about him not kissing, especially Renee. The girl has been talking about getting lip action from him since night 1. Maybe it’ll be in the cards for you next episode. Lauren pulls Juan Pablo aside for some silent dancing. She then tries to kiss him, but he rejects her. Awky Milwaukee. He says it’s because he’s not kissing anyone, but she doesn’t believe it.
The last to get alone time is Clare. While she was gone, my other two favs Kelly and Andi start the snark parade. Kelly delivers my favourite line of the night with ‘she’s definitely swallowed bigger things than that’ in reference to the octopus. Clare regales the riveting story of how earlier she threw up in her mouth but swallowed it again. There sure is a lot of swallow talk this episode. After feeding each other, Juan Pablo finally breaks down and makes out with Clare. They take a quick break from kissing so Clare can ask if she has chocolate breath. This girl is ridiculous. Andi gets this date rose, much to Clare dismay.
There is a lot of talk at the cocktail party about Nikki’s negativity and Clare’s possessiveness. The 3 girls who have received roses, Nikki, Sharleen, and Andi, decide to let the other girls have time with Juan Pablo tonight. Nikki doesn’t like that idea, especially when Juan Pablo is talking to Clare. She interrupts their conversation. JP asks about the drama in the house, and Nikki thinks that Clare brought it up to JP. As much as I dislike the girl, this is not on Clare. Juan Pablo isn’t a complete dumbass, and has safely assumed that a bunch of women who were willing to go on the Bachelor might cause some drama. Nikki confronts Clare about this with Kelly present. Kelly says what we’re all thinking, ‘this is awkward’.
At the rose ceremony, I would have put my money on Danielle going home because we have seen nothing from her. I was wrong; Elise and Lauren were sent packing. Lauren was crushed and was embarrassed that she went in for that kiss. Elise leaving makes it easier for me to tell the rest of the blondes apart.
Look on the positive side, girls. At least you made it to the trip round!
Next week, Vietnam!
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ps. here is a fan taken video of the 2Ne1 performance (not featuring the bachelorettes, but who really cares about them?)