The Bachelor: Perras Están Locas

nuggetsSorry if my translation is off, google translate was my friend on that one. Welcome back for another episode of your favourite show that you hate to admit that you like to your friends and potential mates. We open the episode in the mansion with the girls sitting around waiting for a date card. One arrives, and it has Clare’s name on it. If you don’t remember her, she’s the one who showed up on night 1 with a fake baby bump.

JP arrives at the mansion to pick Clare up for their date, and immediately blindfolds her, because he loves ‘surprises’. A blindfold and a car ride sounds more like an episode of criminal minds than a perfect date, but to each their own.  They arrive at a winter wonderland in the middle of LA. They frolic in the snow and partake in a variety of winter activities including sledding, skating, and hot tub massages. While Clare was doling out the massage to JP, she also divulged a little bit about her past. While I feel bad about her losing her dad pretty recently, I feel like this is some majorly personal information that I would keep to myself until AT LEAST date 4. Also, for a time when I’m not massaging a guy I didn’t know a week ago half-naked in a hot tub, but again, that’s just me. Soon after, they heard the soft, slow music from a guy who they probably had never heard of before. I don’t understand the dancing in their bathing suits, because if you want to make me slow dance to some anonymous artist in the falling snow, let me at least put some pants on, okay? Honestly, I’m not a fan of Clare. She seems like a sweet enough girl, but she is just SO grating.

The next girl to get a one-on-one is Kat. She is told to prepare for something electric. Maybe a tour of the California Museum of Electric Chairs? Probably not. She is whisked off on a private jet to the most exciting city in the USA, Salt Lake City. The arrive to some sort of fun run that involved a lot of glow sticks and house music. I’m not even exaggerating when I say this date gave me a headache. This had to be the least personal date ever. I cringed when JP gave Kat the rose in front of thousands of people. Also, running on a date? PASS.

The group date card arrives, and Amy, Sharleen, and Danielle will be left at the mansion. The rest of the girls get shipped off to a studio where the girls will dress up and take photos with dogs for charity. There are some mighty questionable costumes such as a dog, a fire hydrant, and some flimsy plastic signs. Chelsie was not enthused with the plastic sign idea, and asked resident nudist Lucy to switch roles with her, and she happily obliged. Andi was also not happy with the naked idea either. Unfortunately she didn’t have anyone to switch with. Juan Pablo came and talked to her, and managed to convince her that it was a good idea (probably because he would also be in the buff), and she did the photo shoot because it was for ‘charity’. Okay The Bachelor, this is not ANTM. There was no need for the guy with the smurf beard to tell that poor girl that it wasn’t about her, it was about the charity. GTFO smurf beard.

Post photo shoot, the crew moved on to a hotel rooftop for some drinks and revelations. Cassandra reveals to Juan Pablo that she has a kid, Renee reveals to us that she just really wants to get some kissing-action from El Bachelor, and Victoria reveals to us her drunk alter-ego. After a few cocktails, Victoria decided it was time to go get some time with JP. She saw he was with another girl and immediately ran crying to the bathroom. This scene can also be seen in any bar bathroom on a Saturday night. Renee tried to comfort her, but to no avail. JP then came to try if he could make Victoria feel better. This didn’t work either. The producers said she couldn’t leave and put her up in a hotel room for the night. Kelly, the professional dog lover, received the group date rose for having to wear the most unfortunate costume during the photo shoot.

The next day, JP goes and visits Victoria in her hotel room. He says he has a daughter to think about too and that maybe she isn’t ready to take on the step-mom role. What would have given him that idea? We then move on to the rose ceremony where a few of the girls who didn’t have a date this week got some alone time with Juan Pablo. Amy did a really awkward interview as if she were on the news. I hope you like local news, because I don’t know if you’re going anywhere. Sharleen looked ah-mazing last night while apologizing to JP for her ambivalent acceptance of the rose the first night. Cassandra then leaned on Renee’s shoulder when she was unsure of whether or not she should stay because she missed her son. Juan Pablo then convinced her to stay.

The roses were doled out and Sharleen accepted hers with a very cute callback joke. Newscaster Amy, and Chantal were the ones left without roses. At this point, Sharleen and Andi are definitely my favourites. I also like Renee and Nikki as well. Lucy is growing on me, despite me thinking she would be one of my least favourites. I just love how little she cares about what is going on.

Hope everyone is excited for next week when one of the girls calls another girl a whore for no valid reason!! Follow me on twitter for some hot and heavy live-tweeting action.

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