The Bachelor: (Bad) First Impressions

juan pablo

Well folks, here we are, back for another season of our favourite reality rom com The Bachelor. Now, I know I’m not the only one who was mucho excited for Juan Pablo to be this season’s bachelor. This is partly because he’s not a snoozefest like the last few bachelors, but mostly because he’s a total fox.

The season opens up, where else, but with a shot of Juan Pablo running shirtless on the beach. We are also introduced to JP’s daughter Camilla. She is so adorable, it’s not even funny. JP explains that Camilla is his true love, so sorry ladies, get in line. He has hope that this experience will bring him to his future wife. I wouldn’t keep your hopes up too high; the track record of past bachelors is not great.

We are then introduced to a few of the girls. Some have sad back stories, some seem like really genuine people (what are you doing on the bachelor), and some are complete whack jobs. I think we have a good mix this year of girls who could be legitimate matches for Juan Pablo, and some who were clearly cast for the #DRAMA.

Before we get this whole process started, Juan Pablo sat down with another member of the shirtless brethren, last season’s Sean. Now, let’s take a quick moment to remember that they were never on the same season together or anything, the only connector they have is that they both made out with Desiree. Sean gives JP a few tips on how to navigate the battlefields of crazy totally well-adjusted ladies. JP is worried he’s going to forget their names (FORESHADOWING), and Sean is like ‘yeah, that’s pretty inevitable’.

We get at the cesspool that is the bachelor mansion to await the arrival of the women. Now, one of my favourite parts of the show is judging the tacky prom dresses worn for the first night. They made this difficult this year, because the women’s dress game was totally on point this season. There were some really gorgeous numbers, and only a few total duds.

Can we take a sec to talk about how these were some of the most boring entrances ever?  We had one girl come in with a fake baby bump (umm, horrifying joke), a girl getting stuck on the cobblestone with her piano, an official dog lover with her dog, and a girl who decided she didn’t want to wear shoes (fulfilling her ‘free spirit’ career tagline. Girl, it’s okay to say you’re unemployed. I won’t judge you).

The women fight for time with Juan Pablo so they don’t get sent home the first night. There are a lot of girls, and most of them look a lot alike, so forgive me for forgetting 90% of their names and which backstory belongs to whom. My favourite girl so far is Sharlene. This is partially because she is Canadian, but mostly because she is awesome. She received the first impression rose, and she was a little hesitant to take it. She wasn’t sure yet if she had chemistry with JP. It is so refreshing to see a girl who isn’t like ‘I knew he was the one before I even met him’, so kudos to her.

Some other standouts were Andi, the lawyer, one of the Amys (can we all agree that the massage sequence was horrifically awkward?), Lauren, who talked about her ex in the first conversation (eeeeeeek), and Nikki the nurse. I’m sure there are others, but like I said before, they’re all blending together right now. I’m sure I’ll get a handle on the names by the final 7.

We come to the season’s first rose ceremony, and I was really hoping that Juan Pablo would just start pointing at the girls and going ‘ehhhh, you’, but unfortunately for me someone behind the scenes must have been feeding him the names. The most exciting part of the ceremony was when a girl misheard JP and thought he said her name when he didn’t. Then he didn’t pick her. AWKWARD.

I’m really looking forward to this season. Juan Pablo is much more engaging than the last few bachelors, that, his gorgeous accent, and for a lack of a better work, an interesting cast should make for a great show.

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